I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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