the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
