He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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