What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
