dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
