How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
