Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
