I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm like, not good at living.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
