Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
