she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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