I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
