Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dignity is for republicans.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
