Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
