I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
