She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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