i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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