i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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