just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
