He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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