You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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