someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
