you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
