There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found puke in my bra..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
