What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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