i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
