I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
