I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
