I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
