Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my phone needs a breathalizer
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
my liver is dry heaving
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
