I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
