Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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