Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
