omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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