watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
