If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We need to get me chipped asap
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