I think I won the penis lottery.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
