I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
