He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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