Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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