If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
