Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
