I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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