i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
