God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
