What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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