I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
