i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
