Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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