Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
