I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
