idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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