I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
