he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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