Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
